Tell that b!tch to be cool...

There’s nothing that annoys me more than people that think bitching about something will get them their way. Most of the time they just bitch to bitch, they put themselves in positions where going into it they know in some way they’ll be victimized. This video is a PRIME example.

The first woman absolutely kills me. She’s sitting at the drive through of Popeye’s Chicken on they day they had the “8 Piece for $4.99” special, screaming into the microphone about how unfair it was that she couldn’t feed her family now because they were out of chicken. “You mean we can’t feed our kids because you’re out of chicken?” She said. First off she’s in an AVALANCHE, not a cheap vehicle. Second, THERE’S NOBODY THERE! The entire building was empty; since the CHICKEN place was out of chicken they had closed and sent everybody home.

So if the $4.99 special at Popeye’s is the ONLY thing you can afford to feed your family yet you drive an effin Avalanche, maybe your priorities are a little off? Seriously, on a completely non-racist note if you live in a community with a large African American community and only a couple Popeye’s, why didn’t you anticipate them running out of chicken?

One time I waited in line for nearly half an hour at Long John Silvers on the first day of Lent. The employees were going crazy inside because they had topped their sales for the entire year – and were almost out of fish. Every culture is drawn to it’s own style of food. Food is one of the many things that defines us as a people and since it is in fact perishable, sometimes we run out of food. It happens.

At the end of the video it shows the same woman saying “and that’s all I have to say” and shuts her car door. There was nobody there to begin with! She wasn’t the only one either, everyone seemed to have something to say about the chicken place that ran out of chicken. Some people swore they’d never come back even though YOU KNOW they will. It just goes to show that some people with bitch about anything they can even if nobody is on the other side of the drive through to listen. Watch the video and I know you’ll agree.


DUNDERBRAIN APP CONSUMER REPORT: Free Fart Apps

Earlier today I did a search in the App Store for “fart”. I wasn’t surprised at all that more than 25 free and paid apps pooped up, toilet humor is a complete cash cow. Amongst the top 25 were 7 free apps and here they are.


Atomic Fart FREE ****
FAR Apps
You’re given three options – fart list to select individual farts, a timer for delayed farts, and a fart drum set. The fart drum set has a freestyle or simon says mode where you repeat the rhythm of the squishy farts. I laughed pretty hard.


Fart for Free ***
Gabe Jacobs Productions
This is a very simple press-and-hear fart machine with 16 AMAZINGLY HILLARIOUS fart noises. There are no frills here, just plain old dirty fart noises. The long, lingering farts KILLED me.

Fart Piano Free ****
ObjectGraph LLC
This one is PERFECT for orchestrating your own fart symphony. It comes with three sound boards (dry, wet, and “sampler”) which generates pretty good tones for imitating flatulence.

Fart Coushion *
TMSOFT
Basic timed fart. It farts as soon as it opens so it looses a star for covertness. I’ll most likely delete it.

MEGA FART*
BarnacleJive Sofrware
I was not impressed AT ALL with this little tooter. There were 6 basic farts to choose from and the sound quality eats ass. And to top it off they aren’t even that humorous, just nasty little farts.

Easy Fart ****
Rockifone.com
This one is definitely giggly. It comes with 12 illustrated farts from Angel to Old man. You can adjust the speed and with the full version you can control it with Apple Remote! Stinky wet fun.

Fart Songs! LITE **
Logic Twilight
Fart songs is getting deleted as soon as I finish writing this. The tone is way off and it starts out with a crappy quality introduction stating the name of their company. No fun features, crappy fart sounds, and it’s ugly. LAME!
I think I spotted what they were trying to hide with Swine Flu…

This morning I was checking all my favorite blogs, one of them being the Gay TV Blog on gay.com. I had NO idea there was a movie being made surrounding Salvador Dali’s life! But I was totally broadsided when I saw that Robert Pattinson (hottie from Twilight that all the little girls are going crazy over with the sparkling abs) will be playing Dali in “Little Ashes” – and the movie emphasizes the romantic relationship between Dali and Spanish poet Federico Garcia Lorca.

Apparently the little Twilight star was nervous about being with a boy – on screen at least. Something about that hair and pretty boy face tells me it wasn’t his first time. I think it’s funny how Dali had such an aversion to sexuality yet the movie focuses on his sexual relationship with a man…

So if I don’t like midgets will they focus the movie of my life around my relationship with them? If I don’t like fish will they make my movie centered on my loathing relationship with fish? I wonder what Dali would say about “Little Ashes” if he were alive to see it today?

Check out this little clip from “Little Ashes” where Robert Pattinson shares a *steamy* kiss with actor Javier Beltran.

BTW When are all these Robert Pattinsons and Zach Efrons of the world going to CUT THEIR FREAKIN HAIR??? At least wash it, damn. I’m so sick of this long greasy hair crap that everyone loves so much right now.



You wouldn’t believe the biggest loser I ran into today…

Earlier today my BFF and I went to the park and had a picnic. It was a great day, warm and humid but overcast enough to keep it from feeling horrible. We stopped under a canopy of trees and ate our subway foot long sandwiches, since we’re both comfortable enough with our sexuality to do so (AKA we’re both gay as getup).

Anyway, After we finished our sandwiches we continued walking down the trail, both of us wearing flip flops, the ideal footwear for long walks… as the balls of my feet began to swell and throb with each step the path emerged from the woods, over the river, and into a neighborhood park… in this park was a group of women and one drop-dead gorgeous man.

“It looks like the guy from the biggest loser!” My BFF said but of course I laughed it off. We sat down on the bench next to where the group was getting down and dirty with their pilates balls and one of the girls said “Look we have an audience.”

“Oh we’re not staying don’t worry,” I said but they were very welcoming. One of the girls started saying something about the biggest loser which I thought was funny since my friend had just mentioned something about that as well.

Still, I couldn’t keep my grubby little eyes off this guy. He was GORGEOUS. Like with a capital GORGEOUS. Looking at this man was like candy for your eyes – straight, gay, male, female, I don’t care what you are or what your orientation many be ANYONE could appreciate this perfect male specimen. I really tried to keep from staring over but of course we caught ourselves casually walking by the group several times.

Finally we left the poor people alone and headed back home. We were both mystified by this gorgeous guy and laughed about the whole “Biggest Loser” thing. Then, once we got back to my place a little brain cell flickered on and I remembered I was going to look up the trainer from Biggest Loser – and what did I find? Bob Harper, of of their trainers – and just happens to be a man that looks STRIKINGLY similar to the guy I saw at the park. Why didn’t I take a picture? I didn’t want to seem like a total creep. Usually I’m pretty good about covert snapshots with my phone but these ladies were trying to work out, it just felt wrong to take pics of them. Yeah, I’m a sucky paparazzi. Get over it.

But yeah, I totally swear it was him.
LOL @ MY TAGS.


This is a list of all the tags used in my blog so far. Enjoy.


19th century
80's
80's tv
A I
ab fab
absolutely fabulous
absolutely fabulous LA
absolutely fabulous remake
adolf hitler campbell
Adolf the Dog
Alicia Goranson
aliens
anal bleaching
animation
apology
app
apps
april fools day
architecture
artificial intelligence
awkward family photos
bad memories
badger fisting
Barnaby Bradford
bars
Bea Arthur
beer bottle
temple
beta blockers
bigfoot
bisexual
BK Mocha Joe
blossom goodchild
bogan
bored
breasts
buddhism
burger king
butt
chain letters
change
chat
children
chimp man
Clones
cocaine
comedy
computers
conner
conner home
courtney love
cover bands
crack
Credence Clearwater Revival
cute
cute pig
dan conner
Daniela Sea
dating
David Hanson
deborah campbell
dolls
dolphins
donuts
drag queen
dream
dream cycle
dreams
drinkin
drinking
drugs
Dunkin Donuts
eco friendly
Edgar Mueller
edina einstein elementary school
end of the world
Estelle Parsons
evolution
ex-boyfriend
facebook
FAIL
favorites
fisting badgers
floor plan
fmylife.com
friends
fun
future
future technology
gadgets
galactic federation of light
ganja
gay
gay chat
gay men
gay.com
Glenn Quinn
Guy Ritchie
heath campbell
Heidi Gill
heroin
High Wheel Bicycle
hillbillies
hillfolk
hip hop
hissy fit
hollywood
hospitals
humanzee
hummel
humor
hybrid animals
hypochndria
inspiration
internet
internet distribution
internet scams
INXS
iphone
iphone app
ipod touch
ipoint
Jack in the Box
JD Fortune
Jennifer Saunders
John Goodman
Johnny Galecki
jokes
Jude Law
Justin Thyme
Kathryn Hahn
kingsford the pig
Kristen Johnston
Laurie Metcalf
lesbian
Linda Grey
links
little pig
love
male issues
male menstrual cycle
male monthy
male period
man period
MANCHICKENS
marijuana
marine biology
mark adamo
mccafe
mcdonalds
media diversion
medication
men
method acting
Michael Fishman
monks
movies
museums
mydonut
myspace
nazi
neo-nazi
new spa treatments
new star trek
new star trek trailer
Nine Inch Nails
noodling
NORML
north korea nuclear weapons
obama
ohio woman tasered
online
opinion
palin
palin turkey incident
pasty
peanut butter
pee monkey
pig
pills
piracy
pirates
pirates: sea battle 2 app
pirating
plato
poetry
police
politics
pot
prose
PSP
background
PSP wallpaper
queen
queer
rap
rednecks
relationships
Richard Kovach
Robert Downey Jr
robots
Roland T
ron paul
Roseanne
roseanne conner
roseanne floor plan
roseanne set
Rush Limbaugh
Sarah Chalke
sarah palin
sarcasm
satire
schadenfreud
science
scott siegel
Sherlock Holmes
sidewalk art
social
social network
social networks
somalia
sphincter bleaching
spring
stalin
Star Trek
star trek phaser app
star trek xi
Steampunk
steroids
swine flu
teacher on crack
technology
television
tell that bitch to be cool
the secret
tony robbins
trailer trash
transgender
Trent Reznor
tv architecture
tv shows
videos
weird stuff
white trash
white trash week
woman in airport
Zac Efron
zachary quinto
Wait - Weren't we scared of the horse flu or cow flu or something?

Last week Swine Flu was all the rage. As I wrote earlier in the week, yadda yadda yadda. Schools were released until further notice. Three days ago #N1H1 and #swineflu were the top trending topics on twitter. People were taking this “plague” very seriously… Then suddenly yesterday people were talking about Kobe and #hobonames again… what the hell happened to the virus that was supposed to take out most of North America?

The media has us wrapped around the governments little finger so tightly that we’re distracted by the slightest attempt at scare tactics. Really, they don’t even have to try anymore. All someone has to do is find an outbreak of an illness that just sounds wicked and say “your children are gonna get sick and die!” then immediately everyone is smearing their noses with Neosporin and popping Zicam until they can’t taste or smell and start to hear colors. Have we seriously become so blind that we will allow the media to direct our thought COMPLETLEY? Didn’t anyone ever see/read “True Colors”?

This morning on the news, just a day after my roommate told me he heard about someone dying in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex from it, the reporter said that we could stop freaking out over swine flu for a while. The CDC says that we’re going to wait and see how it takes hold in other countries first…

So riddle me this Batman, what laws were passed over the past couple weeks? What progress/digress was made in foreign affairs? What the HELL did we miss while everyone was worried about catching the flu?

The Taliban is back on the rise. I did a search on “Taliban” in Google News and it came back with plenty of results, mainly stories about it’s growth. Isn’t this something that would take priority over freakin SWINE FLU?

I did another search for “new law” in the past week on Google as well. As it turns out, Maine signed a gay marriage law and New Hampshire isn’t far either. We totally missed that one! The law hasn’t been passed yet and may be subject to statewide voting but it’s a start.

Miss California had some nudie pics turn up. HUGE surprise…

Whatever we missed I am still missing. But I’m sure that was the point. After Bird Flu, Swine Flu, Red Flu, Blue Flu I think I’ve got the Flu Flu – AKA freakin sick of hearing about the flu.

I need a freakin MINI DONKEY SOOOO BAD!!! They're cute, they stay small, and they'll get along perfectly with the Alpacas I'll have on the DUNDERFARM. Being 6'8" I think it would be AWESOME to have a private zoo filled with miniature animals. The area I'll keep them in will look like a miniature farm so I can stomp around and pretend I'm a giant.
Fast fast food... and coffee... and stuff...

I’ve been seeing the ads for the new Iced Mocha thing from McDonalds so this morning on my breakfast excursion I decided to give it a whirl. The old Red Head Ronald and his band of goons have really done a good job lately of stepping it up from it’s old deep fried image and still managing to keep their prices lower than Jack and his corporation and the King and his burgers, but when I dropped $8.45 for breakfast this morning I started to second guess that…

I’ve tried the new drinks that have popped up at nearly every fast food joint since the whole “lets keep up with Starbucks” coffee crazy started. Burger King’s “BK Mocha Joe” is good but really just tastes like unfrozen milkshake mix. When I worked at Starbucks we would make the frappucinos by adding a mix to ice with milk and blending, the BK Mocha Joe reminds me that minus the blending.

Jack in the box is better with smoothies, even though watching them make it is enough to make your stomach turn early in the morning. Basically, from what I’ve gathered, all they really consist of is juice and ice cream. Isn’t having ice cream for breakfast not allowed? Doing that to a smoothie is just mean, it’s like putting beef in a vegan omelet.

McDonalds is the first non-coffee oriented establishment I’ve found that actually has decent coffee. I watched the man make it from my car through the drive through window and I was surprised to see he was actually DOING SOMETHING to make it. There was preparation involved. It looked like he was using an actual espresso machine, or at least a close cousin to it. And to top it off – it actually tastes good!

Sure, it probably wasn’t worth the $3 or whatever I paid for it, but it was worth paying to keep from having to drive all the way to Starbucks too, and really it does the trick. Now if only they’d start making Iced Grande Breve Carmel Macchiatos…
AWKWARD FAMILY PHOTOS!!! I found this on Views From A Broad, Esther Goldberg's blog. You gotta check it out, these families are high-larious. awkwardfamilyphotos.com
DUNDERAPP "Pirates: Sea Battle 2" by Skywardsgames

I AM ADDICTED TO THIS GAME. Completely and thoroughly. Its relatively simple game play makes it hard not to say "ok just one more game". First off it's PIRATES so of course I'm going to love it, but the Star Trek Phaser game sucked so I've learned not to take good themes for granted. This is one that really holds up.

Like most games I started out with the "lite" version then went ahead and bought the full version. The full campaign basically consists of your ship battling other others by steering it around with a little ship wheel and firing on enemy ships, or positioning yours next to theirs and taking it over. The only thing that would make it better would be some kind of online play.
What the EFF is swine flu anyway?

Everyone is going INSANE over swine flu. What the eff is the big deal? I tried to look it up on Wikipedia but those articles read like a third grader wrote them. I could really give a snit what it is, where it came from, or who has it – I’m just TIRED of hearing about it.

Sure, it’s a strange new strain of flu, but this isn’t the first time there has been a strange new flu. Every flu season the virus mutates into something new and different so really there’s no telling when it will mutate into a new more fatal disease. My first question is what is REALLY happening in the world that needs our attention diverted? What’s going on in the world while the trusty handy dandy media is talking about pig bugs?

Today, just before summer break, all the children in the area are locked up tightly in their homes instead of finishing out their school year. I always loved the last month or so of school, the last week was my absolute favorite. I actually had a dream last night about the last day of school, it was so great that I woke up then went back to sleep and was lucky enough to make it right back in the dream where I had left off.

So are they going to do this EVERY time the flu mutates? We’ll have fall break, winter break, spring break, FLU break, then summer break? When I was a kid they talked about switching everyone to year round school, now I wonder when they actually go to school. I swear, if I go to the wal-mart and see people wearing face masks I will laugh and point.

West Nile was supposed to kill off half of North America. I got an “unidentified virus” (as the hospital diagnosed it) right when that scare happened just before they had tests readily available. It felt like some weird sickness you’d get in the West Nile too, it wasn’t like the ordinary flu. My mom made me go to the hospital (me and doctors don’t get along) and they sent me home hydrated, tested, x-rayed, and BROKE with a $1000 hospital bill.

I read online that Zachary Quinto, Spock in the new Star Trek movie has a routine to avoid swine flu when he goes into public of putting antibacterial ointment in his nose (even though swine flu is a virus…), drinking a ton of water, and popping zicam (basically the modernized version of those nasty zinc tablets your grandparents used to have) like it’s candy. Gotta love the brightest bulb in the box.

I ain’t afraid of no pig bugs. My solution to the flu is to be safe and clean but don’t be afraid of getting it. Take the clue when you start feeling crappy, don’t deny getting sick. Know your body well enough to get caught up with your work ahead of time and plan your sick days to where they can coordinate with your schedule. When you get it and feel like you shouldn’t get out of bed, DON’T! Stay in bed, don’t try to tough it out. Rest and let your body fight it off. If you can just let your body focus on doing it’s job instead of trying to tough through it and do things like go to work where you can spread your nasties to everyone else, you can reduce sick time from two weeks to a few days.
DUNDERAPP CHALLENGE!!! PEE MONKEY TOILET TRAINER

Since I bought myself a nifty little iPod touch I've become addicted to apps. There are tons of free ones out there and of course I've gotten download happy. I don't even know what some crap is, then I download it. I've decided to start an app showcase on my blog to celebrate all the little smidgens of glory that I find out there. This week is Pee Monkey: Toilet Trainer.

The whole point of the game is to make the little dancing monkey goo tee tee in the potty. You aim the stream into the potty by tilting the device so it's relatively mindless game play. It's disgustingly fun, and really addictive.

Go to the app store on your iPhone or iPod Touch, search for Pee Monkey Toilet Trainer, and get to trainin. Comment with your high scores!