The Floor Plan According to Roseanne

I guess from many of my posts you would think that I’m obsessed with Roseanne. And yes, that may be a little bit true. Roseanne is the one show that after several decades of being on television I can still sit down and watch no matter what time of day or season.

There’s one thing however that’s always bugged me about the show – the house’s floor plan. Now I’m not an architect, engineer, draftsman or person of any real education concerning blue prints, etc but I’ve always been fascinated by floor plans. When I was a kid my dad would draw house plans for people and I’d sit on the floor next to him and draw floor plans for the loft my Ken Doll and his boyfriend from North Korea that he met on the internet would move into when gay marriage was legalized…

Yeah as a kid I was totally gay. GAY GAY GAY. I was so gay that at about 2 years old at my cousin’s wedding I threw a fit because I wanted a wedding dress like she had so my dad had to put me in one of his big t-shirts so I’d shut up. Someday if I can find pictures of it I’ll post them, I know I’ve seen them somewhere.

Anyway, when I was growing up I used to watch Roseanne all the time, it made me feel normal to see how abnormally they functioned I guess. During my parents fights, which they had very frequently I would pretend that we were the Conners because they seemed a lot happier.

WOW tragic, huh! Dear god that brick needs to go right back in the wall, f’real.

Still after like 20 years of watching the show the floor plan bugged me because I couldn’t figure it out. Everything made sense to me except the master bedroom/master bath configuration that never seemed to fit right with me. I’ve looked online several times for some kind of clue but I could never find a PDF or even a jpeg of the floor plan so it continued to haunt me.

Until three days ago. I spotted it while watching the show, the missing link in the house. The part I never understood was the doors actually, the doors they walk through to reach the bedroom or bathroom from the kitchen didn’t match the ones going from either room into the kitchen, they seemed switched. Three days ago however I noticed A HALLWAY. Yes that’s right.

WOOT.

I doubt many of you are as excited about this as I am but it ended a question that’s lingered in my head for a long time. I’m a simple guy that takes simple pleasures and this is one that has seemed to make my life a little more complete for some reason.

I have this blogging censor that keeps me from writing stuff that I don’t think anyone will give a shit about like Dan and Roseanne Conner’s Floor Plan but this time I said to myself “no, just go ahead and hit that ‘publish’ button. SOMEONE out there has to be wondering about the same thing so even if nobody else gets it, someone will.”

So here it is, the Conner Family’s Floor Plan.

The Roseanne Set

Yes, the set is still standing and alive and well. I got a comment on my facebook page from my friend Asa Benally that I met at the Seagle Colony in New York saying that the Roseanne set had also been used for the TV show Family Matters. Although I don't personally see it, I did find out that the set has been modified and used for many other productions. Here is a picture of the set now, still at Lacy Studios that I found on Flikr.

So where did everybody go???

So according to the rumor mill Roseanne Barr is in talks with Fox to reprise Roseanne. OMG How cool would that be? She’s stated that if the Conner’s were around today, DJ would have died in Iraq and after Dan’s death and Roseanne’s depression they would have lost the house...

There are so many avenues she could take that though, in the last episode she revealed that the entire last season was made up and they had never actually won the lottery, but she was writing it in her memoir… so what happened with that? Did it get published? Did she loose the house, then make a ton of cash off her book and move to Chicago? What about Darlene? And Becky? Did she end up having a baby like they implied in the last episode? These are things I wonder about while laying in bed at night listening to Boards of Canada.

So in reality, where the eff is everybody now? What are the two Becky’s doing? What about DJ??? I took a minute to check up on everybody and see what’s going on. Here’s the skinny.

Dan – John Goodman is still alive and well. In 2009 he is expected to have completed 9 movies including the recent “Confessions of a Shopaholic”. Goodman also portrayed Pops Racer in the recent live action adaptation of Speed Racer.

Jackie – After Roseanne’s completion Laurie Metcalf went on to star in many Stage roles as well as a regular on the TV series circuit. She’s had roles on shows such as King of the Hill, Dharma and Greg, and Third rock from the sun. Every now and then she pops up as a guest star when I’m watching sitcoms and I say “Hi Jackie!”

DJ – No Kids, DJ isn’t gay. Michael Fishman disappeared from any kind of screen or stage, save a Larry King interview, an episode on Seinfeld and Walker, Texas Ranger and the movie AI. I finally spotted him on AI in the back seat of the car before they go to Rouge City. He’s now married and has a couple kids.

Becky I – Alicia Goranson, AKA Becky I pulled a DJ and more or less disappeared. She’s been in a few television roles such as Sex and the City and Fringe. Goranson now writes a blog entitled “Don’t Shoot the Messenger” at http://aliciagoranson.blogspot.com. I’m pretty sure that’s her at least. It’s comprised mostly of poetry, and it reads pretty well too.

Becky II – Most of us now know and love , AKA Becky II as Dr Elliot Reid on Scrubs. She’s mostly stayed on the TV circuit but has appeared in several movies as well. You can find her on myspace here: http://www.myspace.com/sarah_chalke

Mark Healy – Glenn Quinn was actually Irish and put on an American accent. He was a musician and collector of star wars memorabilia and partial owner of a club in North Hollywood, CA. After Roseanne he went on to portray Allen Doyle on Angel before he died in 2002 of a heroin overdose.

Kevin AKA David Healy – Johnny Galecki is still a working actor, most recently as Leonard Hofstadter on the TV series “The Big Bang Theory”. He too is on myspace, and lookin damn sexy if I do say so myself. http://www.myspace.com/johnnygalecki check him out!

Beverly Harris – Estelle Parsons is currently 81 years old and in 2008 took the role of Violet Weston in the play “August: Osage County”. She is also due to appear in the movie “Salomaybe?” in 2009. Parsons is still active and in good health.

And of course, Roseanne is still a major celebrity icon, she never seems to really go away. I would LOVE to see what she could do with an updated version of Roseanne, it seems to be so popular now anyway with fox bringing back shows like Absolutely Fabulous and Melrose Place. Even 90210 is back on the air, isn’t there room for Roseanne?

What IS real???

Last night, at 2am, I decided to google "what is real?" because I was doing my nightly questioning of reality and turned up this really neato page. Check it out here.

The REAL House of Conner - Pics of the real Roseanne House

Last week someone commented on my old WordPress site where I originally posted the Conner's floor plan about the relation between the actual house and the set from the show. The comment read:

"The problem is the front door. It doesn't fit the house layout. The door is on the right corner on the outside shots and on the inside shots the door is in the middle. >I was at the actual house today (no one lives there) and the floor plan inside the house is not the same as on the show. It's not even close. The stairs in the real house are straight ahead as you walk into the house and the living room is to the left. I took pics. If you want them then send me an email."

So I emailed Allen (the comment poster) and he gladly sent me the pictures of the front of the house as well as the Lobo, now a Pizza place and bar called "Talk of the Town". Allen also said this about the interior:

"The inside is not the same layout on the show. The picture window is were the living room is and about 10 feet back is a wall parallel with the front of the house. To the right is another section that could be a second small living room but it is overshadowed by the stairs and then it looks like the kitchen is in the back."

Unfortunately Allen couldn't get any pictures of the interior because the house was vacant and dark inside but the shots he did get are pretty good. This is the house they used for all the exterior shots of the house in the cut scenes and such, enjoy!

I think it’s starting to get bad…

In 1995 I made a little discovery called America Online. My mom was a teacher and she would get the discs brightly exclaiming things like “5 hours free!” And immediately I was excited. As soon as the modem finished screaming the friendly gentleman exclaimed “Welcome!” and “You’ve got mail!” My pupils dilated. My blood pumped faster. instantly I knew I was hooked.

After I used up those five little hours I decided to find out what else my modem could do so I found the four message boards in Roswell, NM and each one had about 2-15 users on at a time, and that was during peak hours.

Then BLAM, non-AOL 14.4bps internet service hit New Mexico featuring Netscape 1.0! I was double hooked. It wasn’t long before I found IRC and super basic web-based chat, like the kind you’d have to press reload to see new posts. My favorite was Café Kyoto, pretty much the only chat room I could find at the time, and now I can’t even find it on google.

Now here it is, 14 years later and I am currently a member of:

Myspace
Facebook
Twitter
Flickr
DList
lifeOUT
Gay.com
HotorNot (even though I deactivated my account!)
Photobucket
Blogger
Redbubble
Eventful
FMyLife
Ning (and about 6 mini social networks inside that one)
YouTube
Rethos
AND Yahoo!

Is this a problem? Does that count as an addiction? Is there a group I can go to, or maybe just a message board or something I can join?

Hummels in the Hood


I know you've all seen them - the Hummel on your Granny's night stand, the dozen or so Precious Moments statues in your spinster aunt's breakfast nook, cutsie little porcelain figurines of cutsie little children. Adlof Hitler even said of M.I. Hummel:

"there is no place in the ranks of German artists for the likes of her. No, the 'beloved Fatherland' cannot remain calm when Germany's youth are portrayed as brainless sissies."

Yeah, he hated the cute little statues of children being children. Now, the artist Barnaby Barford has taken a whole new spin on little cutsie statues with the Hoodies in Porcelain collection! Yes, these statues feature one little boy recording another getting his ass kicked on his iPhone, a family pigging out on KFC, a little scraggly boy eatin McDonalds, and four girls with guns dancing in a circle amonst many others.

check it out here!

INTERESTING SH!T: Dolphins Name Themselves

Just to go along with with last article, here's something very interesting about dolphins. For years scientists have been trying to crack the dolphin language with little or no result. This article from 06 shows that there is a definite structure to their language, and they actually give themselves names denoting a higher form of consciousness than the typical other "beast". There's so much that goes on under the water that we can't even conceive of, and they've been existing in it for much longer than we've lived on land.

Dolphins Name Themselves With Whistles, Study Says

James Owen
for National Geographic News

May 8, 2006

Dolphins give themselves "names"—distinctive whistles that they use to identify each other, new research shows.

Scientists say it's the first time wild animals have been shown to call out their own names.

Read more here.

PIRATES V DOLPHINS!!! Sh!t is going down in Somalia.

The fight is on - PIRATES V DOLPHINS! As a Somali Pirate Ship tried to attack a Chinese merchant ship Monday thousands of dolphins came to the rescue by suddenly surfacing between the ships. The pirates soon backed off and the bizarre marine event continued and the Chinese merchants proceeded with their cargo.

BEIJING, April 14 (Xinhuanet) -- Thousands of dolphins blocked the suspected Somali pirate ships when they were trying to attack Chinese merchant ships passing the Gulf of Aden, the China Radio International reported on Monday.

The Chinese merchant ships escorted by a China's fleet sailed on the Gulf of Aden when they met some suspected pirate ships. Thousands of dolphins suddenly leaped out of water between pirates and merchants when the pirate ships headed for the China's...

Read the full story on Xinhuanet

Drug Dealer Sexy.

When did this new fad of “occupational rap” pop up? I mean drugs and violence have always been a part of rap but here lately you can hear a reference to selling drugs in nearly any hip hop or rap song that comes on the radio.

No, I’m not being an old lady. I indeed understand the “edginess” that talking about being a crack dealer gives a rap song, and I understand how hardcore it must make a person seem when they do. I just don’t understand the effectiveness if it’s in EVERY song. It is still hardcore if EVERYONE does it? What do the hardcore of the hardcore do?

We get it. Rap says it’s cool and it’s fun to be a drug dealer sp it MUST be, but - if EVERYONE is selling these drugs, who the eff is buying them? If we’re all aiming to be as cool as the rap stars and get that paper by any means necessary, who the hell are we going to sell the drugs to? Where is the paper in this situation? What if you don’t even like drugs? Can I sell Girl Scout cookies and still be just as cool? I mean, it’s still getting paper without getting it from the white man.

I’m so sick of hearing about how much crack the guy used to sell in like EVERY new rap song. Do you hear women at the Drivers License Office rapping about selling licenses? Do you hear tax attorneys rapping about their long days pouring over Tax issues? Yeah, we get it. You fuckin deal. In fact, a lot of the people who sing about “the game” never played a day in their lives.

Maybe I should become a rapper. I could rap about eating mini donuts and watching Jerry Springer while fondling my tidbits because THAT’s the new cool.

Nope, Sorry, “I’m sorry” are not magic words.

As kids we’re all taught that when we do wrong against someone, we’re supposed to apologize. If we disobey, we’re supposed to apologize. We’ve really been conditioned into the mentalities that not only are those two little words a vital part of the English language, they’re also magical little words that have the ability to erase events from space and time.

This happens so much in relationships because more often than not that’s the only time most people pull out their bridge-burners. A good friend of mine once told me her secret for constructive arguments – NEVER go for the jugular. We all have that finishing move inside us like Sub Zero from Mortal Kombat. Prime example - I used to date a guy that every time his point started to grow weak he’d go straight for the jugular. He would drag out an obvious flaw that would have nothing to do with the argument and use it with the sole intent of causing emotional injury.

So really, if it’s direct, deliberate, and intended to hurt what makes that any different from an actual physical blow? What makes a person who is “anti violence” think that it’s ok to beat the crap out of someone emotionally?

“I’m Sorry.” People like that think that since they were just words they can be erased. If they whip out the apology everything will be smoothed over, and if the person being apologized to doesn’t accept it, they switch to the one being wrong because they’re not playing by the rules of insult, apologize, accept, move on.

It has to be realized that apologies are not a mulligan, an apology should be used as exactly what it is – a sincere attempt to make good at what you wronged. If someone isn’t receptive to your apology it’s your responsibility as a person to back off and let them absorb it in their own time – this isn’t Lord of the Rings, there are no words that heal wounds. You can’t emotionally beat another person until you feel good about yourself, it just doesn’t work that way. In fact, we as a whole should get rid of apologies all together and force people to take actual responsibility for their words and actions instead of simply hoping everyone will forget the horrible stuff you did.

DUNDERFUNNY OF THE DAY


Will I Live to see 80?

Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 49.)

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'

'Oh no,' I replied... 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?

'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'

'No,' I said.

He looked at me and said,... 'Then, why do you even give a shit?

So I watch a movie... at a friend's today.

I won't say the whole title of the movie but it starts with an X and doesn't come out in theaters until next month. How is this possible? The magic of the internet. Why is it wrong? Because the impact that a leak like this could have on the Box Office sales could threaten the future of it's franchise.

Although box office sales aren't the only thing that influences how good a movie does it still has a huge impact. If a bunch of stupid fan boys pick up this movie and (as they ALWAYS do) talk badly about it just because they can. And even though they will critique a movie to the last detail to prove their ultimate knowledge of the canon, every single one of them will still go see it in iMax, dollar movie, buy the video game, Blue Ray, Special Edition Blue Ray, and iTunes. For some people it's just easier to be negative.

Anyway, as I watched this greatly anticipated movie, I couldn't help but feel somewhat guilty, like I had cheated. Like I was unfairly getting something other people weren't. The effects were incomplete, many were just stand in CGI models, like a very rough draft. It was like seeing a painting before the artist is finished, still progressing to the finished copy. At the same time it was pretty cool, it was like seeing a whole step of the creation process that you normally aren't privy.

No matter, I will still check this movie out in the iMax. I won't reveal any details except the action sequences are absolutely amazing. I'm really looking forward to 3-D which I'm SURE they'll do.

Why is SEX Just Not Enough?

The face of dating has dramatically changed over the past decade, either that or I have just been extremely sheltered. When did sex become not enough? Since when does a person have to have a "sexual scene"? I think the trend really started around 2000 or so when everyone got this little contraption in their homes known as a Personal Computer. Since then, the internet has ruined the face of dating forever.

Someone made a comment to me, while discussing this subject that the internet had made people more free, and somewhere along the line they just got lost in it. People have the freedom to explore their fetishes, and pick up a few new ones on the way. It's like the internet is the world's greatest sexual gateway drug. People have the opportunity to find out about strange and bizarre kink that they never knew existed, and I think once a person begins exploring the taboo it's no longer a novelty and they begin to loose track that what is acceptable and not acceptable in society.

But what is acceptable? Who determines that besides the population, which are now turning into a society of internet porn loving perverts? Somewhere along the line people have lost track of WHERE to draw the line. The concept of monogamy has been completely thrown out the window, especially with people of my generation. I guess my fondness for traditional monogamy is the old lady in me coming out, but what the heck is wrong with having a single sexual and romantic partner?

Lately it seems like when I talk to a lot of people online I get a permanent high brow. It still shocks me as to what some people with throw right out there, within the first few minutes of talking. The question "what are you into?" is always the first line off most people's fingers, and they don't mean romantic movies and long walks on the beach. Since when did I have to be "into" something? I'm only 28 and I can remember the good old days when a person's sexual likes and dislikes were discovered not announced.

The internet has killed dating forever. The whole "make em wait" thing doesn't work anymore because if they wait too long they'll just find someone online to loose interest in. I would say that it saves you from wasting your time, but if you don't waste your time now what else is there to waste it on?

WE'RE ALL GONNA EFFIN DIE.

Today Obama met with President Lee Myung-bak concerning North Korea’s nuclear capabilities. What did they determine? That they have them. Yup, big knews I know, right? But what really kills me is the US is still doing nothing about it.

I hesitate to question or criticize Obama just yet because he’s only been playing ball for 3 months, his tactics and methodology aren’t fully clear to me. I haven’t figured out his strategy beyond the basic bluntness that he so beautifully embraces. He’s a very forward person from what I can tell, so why is he dancing around this one? There’s the illusion of confronting the issue, but it’s met with a general avoidance.

he pentagon KNOWS that North Korea is most likely performing tests on long range missiles disguised as a communications satellite TODAY. How do they know it’s just a test? Why would a tiny country like that test a nuclear missile when they can just but the technology from someone who’s already tested it? What is to say they’re not about to launch a big fat BOMB at us today?

The thing that absolutely KILLS me is that the pentagon KNOWS North Korea has nuclear capability, they know that they are “moving fuel trucks and fueling equipment to a coastal launch site” and Obama is the first to really address it, but Dub-Yah jumped on Iraq for POSSIBLY having weapons of mass destruction. POSSIBLY. Then it turned out they probably didn’t. What the eff, man?

Japan, along with several other countries is well prepared for this launch. North Korea has announced that any interception efforts or monitoring of the launch will be met with military action. What has the US said? Nothing. We have no interception plans. A journalist even yelled out of turn asking Obama if he had concerns about the launch which was ignored.

With so many issues I’m sure Obama is like a new property manager walking into a crumbling apartment building saying “You seriously haven’t fixed this yet?” He’s shut down Guantanamo Bay but where are they sending the prisoners to? Even though I’ve given a high-brow to a few of this administration’s moves already, I’m STILL thankfull that we didn’t elect these two!

DUNDERFOOL! 09: TRENT REZNOR!!!

This year's DUNDERFOOL 09 took a lot of work - I investigated many april fools day pranks, I thought it over, but when a friend sent me an IM saying "OMG Did you see the new Nine Inch Nails album? HOLY SHIT it's produced by Timbaland! Oh... I think I just got April Fooled..." I knew that this was THE winner.

I miss April Fools Day, it seems like people just don't get into it that much anymore. Actually, it seems like people don't get into ANYTHING anymore... nothing is exciting anymore, nothing is fun... Really, nothing is good enough anymore, especially in the good ol US of A.

Thats why it gets me super excited when people like Trent Reznor take time out of their day to come up with something like "Strobelight". The page really looks like previous NIN online releases, it even features a faux album cover with Rezor wearing silly sunglesses that's very reminiscent of "The Slip".

A full track list is provided including "Pussy Grinder" (featuring Sheryl Crow) and "Even Closer" (featuring justin timberlake and maynard james keenan), "laid, paid and played" (featuring fergie of the black eyed peas and al jourgensen), and "Still Hurts" (featuring Alicia Keys).

The website claims that your credit card with be charged $18.98 plus a $10 digital delivery convenience fee and they will send you the album in Windows Media format. Upon entering your email address, the wicked blue screen of death pops up and says "Aprl_Fls" at the top of the error message. Fun!

It probably took Reznor a whole hour to do, but what's loosing an hour if it means actually participating in this little play we call Life? With so many of us wandering around the planet getting an "F" in participation, Trent Reznor gets an A. OK, an A+.

DUNDERBRAIN!'s Favorites for Spring (additions will be made)


Jarrito's Mexican Soda – lately I’ve been trying to ween myself off Dr Pepper, and all dark sodas. Jarrito’s aren’t diet, and they probably are loaded with sugar, but at least it’s cane sugar and not high fructose corn syrup. One of these every few days is the PERFECT treat.

Twitter – For the longest time I thought Twitter was stupid and avoided it at all costs, then I broke down, fed my social network addiction and got a Twitter account. Now I have Twitter handing all my status updates, I have twitter for google desktop, and I TXT in my tweets. All hail the TWITTER revolution.

Scarborough Fair – Every spring Scarborough Renaissance Fair opens in the DFW Metroplex. Located in BFE just south of Dallas, make sure and take plenty of cash with you because there’s a ton of food – and BEER BEER BEER. And wine. And mead. And more Beer. And wenches singing at the tavers. And funny dressed people to make fun of. And guys giving samples of roasted legumes inviting you to “taste their nuts”. Can you tell I’m excited?

Vitamin Water Tranquillo and Sync – Vitamin Water’s two new flavors are freakin WOW. Sync (Berry + Cherry) is fruity and punchy while Tranquillo (tamarind + pineapple) is reminiscent of Mexican soda. Vitamin Water may be loaded with sugar but again, like Jarrito’s, no high fructose corn syrup is used. Instead VW uses crystalline fructose.

Spring Layers – With the weird Texas weather lately spring layers are vital. I usually sport a t-shirt and cargo shorts with a long sleeve t tied around my waist in case it gets chilly. Two t-shirts are usually plenty for a light chill, plus with complimentary fabrics and a good fit you can keep the look sporty and away from the early 90’s baggy homeless gig.

Neon Glitter Bliss – I found this band while watching Logo one day and their song “Wilted Flower” immediately appeared on my iTunes. They’re a great bubbly band that will really get you geared up for spring. Their music reminds me of sunny days, candy, and cute boys. All the essentials for spring.

Shock Top Ale – My BFF Eric and I discovered this beer at the Mellow Mushroom in Fort Worth a week or so ago. We’re both trying this weat beer diet thing (it’s supposed to be better for you or something) so the waiter suggested Shock Top. With an orange wedge for garnish it’s a very refreshing beer, perfect for an afternoon at the peanut butter café.

Classic TV shows – This spring I have been all about the old TV shows: Bonanza, Gomer Pyle USMC, Adam 12, Dragnet, Laverne and Shirley… From the campy bad acting to the blunt political incorrectness of the era, there is a reason these shows are classics. Turn on TV Land and give these old shows a fresh look!

PATRON! – Patron is true for all seasons, but this one in particular it has definitely been a favorite of mine. Even though it’s a more expensive shot at the bar it’s DEFINITELY worth it. Not to mention it feels all special at the bar when they dress it with salt and lime.

SomaFM - Looking for great streaming radio? SomaFM is the place to get it. Groove Salad is a staple at the Peanut Butter Café, and lately Drone Zone has been the soundtrack while I work giving people great massages.

The Thing You Need to Know About ?'s Is...

In my line of work I run across two types of questions. Open-ended and closed-ended questions. Now you may question what is the difference between these two types of questions? ??? I’ll tell you.

Closed-ended questions are questions that answer the question in usually one word. It’s “yes” or “no”, “black” or “white”, “Demo-jack-ass” (hee haw!) or “Republi-bendyouoverandfuckyouwithabigwoodenspoon.” (Hey, they are in crisis people! Extreme Makeover: Political Party Edition)

Answered closed-ended questions usually lead to open-ended questions. Open-ended questions are questions that answer the question as to make you question why you asked the question to begin with. Do you have a question about any of that? Good, now on to the point!

Hospital waiting rooms. Typical venue where both types of questions are asked and asked frequently. “Do you have asthma?” (closed); “Is my [friend/family label] going to be alright?” (open); “Why did that person get to see the doctor before me?” (mos def an open!).

The reason these hospital waiting room questions interest us is that thru these questions and answers, we get to peak inside another family’s life story. How to tell the difference between open and closed-ended questions being asked is by watching the mass reactions of loved ones from said questions being answered. The reactions to answers display the emotion or concern for the loved one being waited on by their friends and family members—whether good or bad, open or closed. But, they also shed light into the functionality (or dysfunctionality) of said family.

Let’s say you, the observer, happen to be in a hospital waiting room and you see a doctor sitting down, amidst many family/friends—conglomerating around; close enough to the doctor as to allow them to hear answers to questions being asked, but far enough away as to brace for impact from the answers being given. High anxiety, loving arms wrapped around other loved ones, tears/crying. This happens to also be a typical scene in ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ episodes, but let’s say for argument’s sake that this particular family is a real, living, tangible one. Open-ended questions... closed-ended questions... many types of reactions.

Now imagine that same waiting room. Different chairs in a round, different conglomerate of family members, no friends, no doctor, waiting room television tuned into a ‘Green Acres’ marathon on TV Land. As you glimpse into their story, you observe a young, good-looking lad, college educated, wearing a Chicago Cubs cap, facing the blob of family members who are waiting with him. To his left a late 40’s, college drop-out, married mother of 2 (one college educated in pre-med and the other a freshman in a 4 year Univ) has a copy of the latest edition of the ‘Twilight’ series books in her lap. Starving for a distraction of your own, you eavesdrop in on the questions and answers of this family script. You would expect the typical questions to be thrown about for such a waiting room situation—“Do you want anymore peanut M&M’s from the vending machine?” (closed). (Not ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ worthy, I know!)

However, you deduce that the questions being asked in this waiting room melodrama are not ordinary, not about concern for the loved one being waited on, nor is there any “bracing for impact” body language present. Never the less, these questions and answers are just as revealing, relevant, and entertaining to watch unfold against any other waiting room mass reaction scenario playing out across the room.

Your craving for gossip has led you to dial in onto a conversation already in progress… The young lad asks of his ‘Twilight’ yielding loved one: “Do you believe in evolution?” (closed). Your hearing astutely tuned for a “yes”… or, a “no”… Awkward pause, uncomfortable body-shifts, internal wheels ‘a turning, all eyes on ‘Twilight’.

You prepare yourself for the long anticipated answer: “I believe in Adam and Eve.” (WTF?)

CLICKY THE PICY ABOVE FOR THE NSFW VERSION! GET A TRASH CAN READY!!!

Here at DUNDERBRAIN! The new voice of the ultra conservative religious right wing, we have elected the SUPER SEXY Rush Limbaugh to be the SEXIEST MAN OF THE YEAR.

Besides having a keen sense for good politics (And hating that bastard Obama!) Rush Limbaugh has the biggest MANCHICKENS in the whole world.

Rush Limbaugh's MANCHICKENS is the hottest thing in the world, and his internet bride would definitely agree!

When he's not eating handfulls of hard opiates (for his PAIN! Have sympathy for his PAIN!) I know this man has to constantly be spanking his MANCHICKENS because, I mean seriously, WOULDN'T YOU?

We love Rush and his big fat MANCHICKENS.


HAPPY DUNDERFOOL'S DAY!!!

Over the past week DUNDERBRAIN! celebrated it's first anual White Trash Week. In choosing the White Trash Idol many people come to mind, and I had actually solidified on my first pick - but the past week of this woman's ramblings, bloggings, and twitterings caused the tide to shift a bit. Who is the White Trash Idol 09??? Who else but Ms. Courtney Love.

Lately Ms Love has been a bit of a flap fingers with the social networks and all it's done for her is proven she has no concept of grammar, spelling, or relevance to society for that matter. And that she's most likely a heavy methamphetamine user, but OF COURSE that's total speculation...

When I was a young angry teenager I used to LOVE Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson, and of course, Hole. Pretty much anything wearing black or flannel. I wore elephant leg jeans, layers, flannel shirts, basically general lesbian drag. One of my favorite accessories were doll heads on necklaces, like that Hole song "Doll Parts". I was a grungey little boy.

Now I wear Nautica, DKNY, and lots of Aeropostale. My favorite accessory is my pair of Armani Exchange aviators. I get my hair did at Ulta instead of having a friend from school cut it then dye it with coolaide. And of course, I no longer wear doll parts strung around my neck.

Now, one of my favorite rock icons from my youth has gone completely white trash. Not that there's anything wrong with that! We love trash of ANYKIND here at DUNDERBRAIN! so here's to you Miss Clover, you'll always be the First Queen of White Trash in our hearts.