Obama smacked the DAMN out of that fly who gives a poop if he throws like a girl.

Good morning DUNDERLAND, I've been very quiet recently since I'm stuck up in the wilderness without a laptop of my own but I HAD to steal someones for a minute to regain a connection with the outside world.

Most of the news I get is from facebook links that people post, I can't remember the last time I saw a working TV much less a real news broadcast.  Today I found a link headlined with "Did Barack Obama Blow His All-Star Game First Pitch?" and my eyes rolled ALL the way back in my bead.  I clicked the link and the typical paranoid conservative nut job that crapped the story out went on to say how FOX's camera angle was bad so you couldn't see the pitch, but he did a little research and re posted what journalists who were there had to say.

Check the article out here.

The thing that KILLS me is some crap chute called the Weekly Standard and some douche bag Will Leitch made comparisons to George Dubyah and really that's fine - throwing a ball is THE ONLY thing that made could do halfway decently.  If you can single handedly destroy the economy of the most powerful nation in the world, send millions off blindly to die, and commit various other general crimes against humanity DAMN STRAIGHT you better know how to throw a baseball!

Now skip back a couple weeks.  Did anyone see this video? 

HELL YEAH!!!  He got that sucker.  I can't TELL you how turned on I am after seeing that.  Just the determination, concentration, and eventual satisfaction in his expression is just STEAMY.  Anyway, back to the point.  After the broadcast was aired all the PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) freaks got their panties in a bunch.  REALLY?  Yes.  They even sent him a device which traps a fly so you can let it go at a later time.  We just got a device that's like a bug zapper that instead of zapping the bugs it lures them in with a pretty light then sucks them through a fan into a little cage.  So instead of dying a quick, electrical death they starve in a cage.

I kinda like that way better.

Anyway, if all you can find to criticize the best president we've had in a minute is his ability to throw a baseball or killing a fly that's fine.  I can rattle a dozen right off the top of my head about the last douche bag we had in office.

What is really going on...

A few of you have asked why, exactly I am here in New York for the next two months. What is my role here? What do I do?

First let me tell you about Patsy. Patsy has known my "host family" (the two guys I'm staying with here) basically since time began. I've only known them for about 7 or so, and since she used to live with them I met her around the same time.

She's been comming here for years as their tag along and just this year took over cleaning duties for the entire commune. I offered my services to help out in exchange for room and board and allowing me to keep my full earnings for the massages I give the students and staff.

Patsy is addicted to niccotine gum and has been since she quit smoking several years ago. Last year she awoke one morning and didn't have her "good morning" piece of gum so she made a desperate run to town to buy some. Halfway down the hill she decided that she was going to abstain - if she made a right instead of hooking a left into town she'd get over the craving so she turned right.

Three minutes later she realized she had forgotten to take her morning poo, and more importantly was a desperate situation. She immediately pulled over at a conveniently located cozy little bed and breakfast off the side of the road and ran to the door.

It was locked.

Left with no alternative she ran back to her car, grabbed a roll of toilet paper from the back of her car (since she was the janitor she had several back there) and headed for the shack behind the B&B. She dropped trow and squatted against the wall.

"Well that's not very nice, is it?" came a voice in front of her as she was pulling up her pants.

She went white as a dead drag queen on Christmas.

"Lady," she replied, straightening her clothing, "do you think I would have done that if it was anything less than an emergency?"

The woman quickly threw her hands on her hips and says, "well you sure do seem to come prepared!" and pointed at the roll of toilet tissues in her hand.

Needless to say she's never returned to that B&B again. So this year my job Is to follow Patsy around with a pooper scooper. More updates coming soon.

-- Post From My iPhone

Things get strange...

It's still a week before the first camp arrives and two weeks before the main group gets here and it's pretty strange being the only one on the site at night.

People haven't been here, like, at ALL in 9 months so the wilderness is still wild. I was just outside looking at all the amazing stars here and I began to hear movement in front I me. I figured it was a rat or squirrel.

Then I heard that strange ultrasonic chirp of bats which once I thought about it wasn't so bad, I use Biolage and fruity body wash and hair products so they eat the bugs that bug me.

Then larger movement from behind me. This started Making me nervous because I realized I was now a stranger on their turf instead of when i'm usually here and 50 or so people have been trodding around the area for a couple months. I was like white tourist in central America during the off-season.

So I came inside and decided the stars could wait until some more humans came around to help me establish our species domination of the area. We'll give it back in a few months or so.

-- Post From My iPod Touch

Only in dreams...

I just arrived at my "summer haven" in the mountains of upstate new York and my only blogging tool is mix ipod touch. It was a long 27 hour drive but we made it!

It's beautiful here... And I'm having a bit of an Erie moment. I've written before about my reoccuring dream sequences, how for long periods of time I'll basically live one life in the waking world and a completely seperate, sequential life in my dreams.

The place has always felt familiar to me. Tonight , since we were the first ones here I gave myself a personal, private tour of the entire grounds. I explored areas that I had never ventured before and I realized this IS my dream world!

It was like concious déjà vu. I still don't completely know what to think of it but it was pretty cool.

Definitely more updates soon!



-- Post From My iPod Touch

It's 7:27 am and I just accidentally watched a full episode of Degrassi. It comes on CW every morning and every night I fall asleep watching late night sitcoms on the same channel so if m up before Roseanne comes on.

I'm always sucked in by the stupid teenage Canadian drama and cheap humor. I guess I'm just brain dead enough in the morning to appreciate it.

I'm still getting used to blogging with a keyboard literally the size of my thumb. I mean sure it's a huge thumb but a thumb no less. I actually sat down with a "pen" and "note-book" made of paper and tried to write a story but the analog-nes of it made me vomit all over the paper and it was ruined.

I miss my laptop. I miss writing with my entire hand, all five fingers instead of being all thumbs. To top it off I'm leaving for upstate New York in five days and only a thumb-sized keyboard and no camera to doccument it with. Donations??? LOL

I'm excited about stepping back into 1927 though. Well, 1927 with wifi. I'll be trading tv for Internet buy to me that's a pretty fair trade.

As I go quietly into the night...

As I go quietly into the night...

Things have gone quiet at DUNDERBRAIN! And oh, where to begin. The Internet died at my house last week but since I'll be moving out in a few days anyway there was no reason to cause a fuss. As the machine from Matrix Revolutions said "there are levels of existance we're prepared to live with". Besides that the library has free wifi and it's 2 blocks away.

Then the most horrible thing happened... My laptop converted into a perpetual restart machine. It won't start in safe mode, or any other mode for that matter. I feel like Carrie Bradshaw when her computer died, every project I had was on it.

I'm taking it to get looked at but it's still very scary. I write to you now from my iPod Touch through BlogPress app so for the next week or so things will be a bit quiet around here for a bit.

I'm gonna miss you the most scarecrow :-(

Why did candy used to suck so bad?

I was just talking to a friend of mine about donuts. He asked if I’d be getting a maple bar and I said “ew no, I’m not 80!” and that sparked a little thought in my little head – why DID old people candy suck so bad? When was this era of inverted taste buds when disgusting was delicious?

My grandparents, as well as those of my friends always had the most effed up candy. Besides the random car key, expired gas card, and used nail file in their candy dish there would be the most dreaded, god awful confections. It was always crap like that weird maple candy that would come in black or orange wrappers people would hand out at Halloween, little cellophane wrapped chunks of black licorice, sugar free spearmint gum, horehound hard candy, peppermint whirls… there weren’t any starburst, now-and-laters, or any other neatly individually wrapped candy that would work just as well and cost about the same.

My dad’s parents did keep a stash of snickers in the kitchen but I knew where they hid them. Still they’d eat the crappy candy, it’s like those were the actual treats. They were the candies they grew up with because back then they didn’t have starburst flavor, just
crap like tree bark and roots.

Just sayin.

Day and Night

Every now and then I slip into these strange dream cycles. For weeks, sometimes months on end I will fall asleep in my bed and awake in a totally different life. As each day passes here it’s like a night passes there; they’re two completely unique, structured existences. Its as though when my waking life sucks, my multiple personalities get bored with it and create their own reality. A simple mind - or a collection there of - can be a dangerous thing.

A friend of mine who has a degree in the subject told me that we don’t actually dream in color, but I contest that idea. Every one of my dreams are in vivid color, particularly green. Each of these dream sequences seems to take place in a woodsy, forested area so green is always a very prominent color.

One time I had an entire sequence, start to finish, of the final days of a civilization. I remembered each detail perfectly from washing my laundry by hand to seeing my loved ones die when the sky caught fire. Finally I wrote the story adding a bit of my own plot to it as I went. I took elements from my waking life and other life experiences to fill in the blanks, and it was turning into a really great story. I got about 30000 words deep into it or so and then put it down to give it a little rest. Since then, before I had a chance to really finish it the hard drive I had it saved on was stolen from me. I know who has it. I’ve asked for it back but ya know, people can be selfish (naw, I’m not bitter about that at all…).

Anyway in each dream I always have a home. For a long time it was an apartment with several layers that I actually based the home in the previous mentioned story from. Now I guess I’ve moved, because now the home I live in is an older cabin with several other people living in it.

So far this sequence has been my favorite yet. A few weeks ago while at a bar-b-cue I met a boy, and honestly I don’t think any waking boy could contest with him. I liked him so much I wanted my mom to meet him right away, but as I took him to meet her I realized I didn’t know his name! So I started to send txt messages to by best friend in the dream but he didn’t know either, then the dream ended.

Another night I dreamt that he had called me for a massage (I guess I’m a massage therapist there too) but the time coincided with our date that evening. So I had to call him and cancel the date, saying I had to work. Even though the client I would be working on was him. I know, right!

Now it’s been a little longer and we’ve gotten more comfortable with being together. In the dream I’m writing a book as well, and he is my muse. I haven’t had a muse in a long while, and even the muse I had before – no matter how discouraging and interruptive to my creative process he was – was still a muse. I think my writing process has been greatly affected by it as well. I’ve been trying to feed off this new dream boy as a muse, but I don’t even know his name! Him having a name probably wouldn’t be that great of an idea, because then I’d have named him and would be officially attatched.

Tell that b!tch to be cool...

There’s nothing that annoys me more than people that think bitching about something will get them their way. Most of the time they just bitch to bitch, they put themselves in positions where going into it they know in some way they’ll be victimized. This video is a PRIME example.

The first woman absolutely kills me. She’s sitting at the drive through of Popeye’s Chicken on they day they had the “8 Piece for $4.99” special, screaming into the microphone about how unfair it was that she couldn’t feed her family now because they were out of chicken. “You mean we can’t feed our kids because you’re out of chicken?” She said. First off she’s in an AVALANCHE, not a cheap vehicle. Second, THERE’S NOBODY THERE! The entire building was empty; since the CHICKEN place was out of chicken they had closed and sent everybody home.

So if the $4.99 special at Popeye’s is the ONLY thing you can afford to feed your family yet you drive an effin Avalanche, maybe your priorities are a little off? Seriously, on a completely non-racist note if you live in a community with a large African American community and only a couple Popeye’s, why didn’t you anticipate them running out of chicken?

One time I waited in line for nearly half an hour at Long John Silvers on the first day of Lent. The employees were going crazy inside because they had topped their sales for the entire year – and were almost out of fish. Every culture is drawn to it’s own style of food. Food is one of the many things that defines us as a people and since it is in fact perishable, sometimes we run out of food. It happens.

At the end of the video it shows the same woman saying “and that’s all I have to say” and shuts her car door. There was nobody there to begin with! She wasn’t the only one either, everyone seemed to have something to say about the chicken place that ran out of chicken. Some people swore they’d never come back even though YOU KNOW they will. It just goes to show that some people with bitch about anything they can even if nobody is on the other side of the drive through to listen. Watch the video and I know you’ll agree.

DUNDERBRAIN APP CONSUMER REPORT: Free Fart Apps

Earlier today I did a search in the App Store for “fart”. I wasn’t surprised at all that more than 25 free and paid apps pooped up, toilet humor is a complete cash cow. Amongst the top 25 were 7 free apps and here they are.


Atomic Fart FREE ****
FAR Apps
You’re given three options – fart list to select individual farts, a timer for delayed farts, and a fart drum set. The fart drum set has a freestyle or simon says mode where you repeat the rhythm of the squishy farts. I laughed pretty hard.


Fart for Free ***
Gabe Jacobs Productions
This is a very simple press-and-hear fart machine with 16 AMAZINGLY HILLARIOUS fart noises. There are no frills here, just plain old dirty fart noises. The long, lingering farts KILLED me.

Fart Piano Free ****
ObjectGraph LLC
This one is PERFECT for orchestrating your own fart symphony. It comes with three sound boards (dry, wet, and “sampler”) which generates pretty good tones for imitating flatulence.

Fart Coushion *
TMSOFT
Basic timed fart. It farts as soon as it opens so it looses a star for covertness. I’ll most likely delete it.

MEGA FART*
BarnacleJive Sofrware
I was not impressed AT ALL with this little tooter. There were 6 basic farts to choose from and the sound quality eats ass. And to top it off they aren’t even that humorous, just nasty little farts.

Easy Fart ****
Rockifone.com
This one is definitely giggly. It comes with 12 illustrated farts from Angel to Old man. You can adjust the speed and with the full version you can control it with Apple Remote! Stinky wet fun.

Fart Songs! LITE **
Logic Twilight
Fart songs is getting deleted as soon as I finish writing this. The tone is way off and it starts out with a crappy quality introduction stating the name of their company. No fun features, crappy fart sounds, and it’s ugly. LAME!

I think I spotted what they were trying to hide with Swine Flu…

This morning I was checking all my favorite blogs, one of them being the Gay TV Blog on gay.com. I had NO idea there was a movie being made surrounding Salvador Dali’s life! But I was totally broadsided when I saw that Robert Pattinson (hottie from Twilight that all the little girls are going crazy over with the sparkling abs) will be playing Dali in “Little Ashes” – and the movie emphasizes the romantic relationship between Dali and Spanish poet Federico Garcia Lorca.

Apparently the little Twilight star was nervous about being with a boy – on screen at least. Something about that hair and pretty boy face tells me it wasn’t his first time. I think it’s funny how Dali had such an aversion to sexuality yet the movie focuses on his sexual relationship with a man…

So if I don’t like midgets will they focus the movie of my life around my relationship with them? If I don’t like fish will they make my movie centered on my loathing relationship with fish? I wonder what Dali would say about “Little Ashes” if he were alive to see it today?

Check out this little clip from “Little Ashes” where Robert Pattinson shares a *steamy* kiss with actor Javier Beltran.

BTW When are all these Robert Pattinsons and Zach Efrons of the world going to CUT THEIR FREAKIN HAIR??? At least wash it, damn. I’m so sick of this long greasy hair crap that everyone loves so much right now.

You wouldn’t believe the biggest loser I ran into today…

Earlier today my BFF and I went to the park and had a picnic. It was a great day, warm and humid but overcast enough to keep it from feeling horrible. We stopped under a canopy of trees and ate our subway foot long sandwiches, since we’re both comfortable enough with our sexuality to do so (AKA we’re both gay as getup).

Anyway, After we finished our sandwiches we continued walking down the trail, both of us wearing flip flops, the ideal footwear for long walks… as the balls of my feet began to swell and throb with each step the path emerged from the woods, over the river, and into a neighborhood park… in this park was a group of women and one drop-dead gorgeous man.

“It looks like the guy from the biggest loser!” My BFF said but of course I laughed it off. We sat down on the bench next to where the group was getting down and dirty with their pilates balls and one of the girls said “Look we have an audience.”

“Oh we’re not staying don’t worry,” I said but they were very welcoming. One of the girls started saying something about the biggest loser which I thought was funny since my friend had just mentioned something about that as well.

Still, I couldn’t keep my grubby little eyes off this guy. He was GORGEOUS. Like with a capital GORGEOUS. Looking at this man was like candy for your eyes – straight, gay, male, female, I don’t care what you are or what your orientation many be ANYONE could appreciate this perfect male specimen. I really tried to keep from staring over but of course we caught ourselves casually walking by the group several times.

Finally we left the poor people alone and headed back home. We were both mystified by this gorgeous guy and laughed about the whole “Biggest Loser” thing. Then, once we got back to my place a little brain cell flickered on and I remembered I was going to look up the trainer from Biggest Loser – and what did I find? Bob Harper, of of their trainers – and just happens to be a man that looks STRIKINGLY similar to the guy I saw at the park. Why didn’t I take a picture? I didn’t want to seem like a total creep. Usually I’m pretty good about covert snapshots with my phone but these ladies were trying to work out, it just felt wrong to take pics of them. Yeah, I’m a sucky paparazzi. Get over it.

But yeah, I totally swear it was him.

LOL @ MY TAGS.


This is a list of all the tags used in my blog so far. Enjoy.


19th century
80's
80's tv
A I
ab fab
absolutely fabulous
absolutely fabulous LA
absolutely fabulous remake
adolf hitler campbell
Adolf the Dog
Alicia Goranson
aliens
anal bleaching
animation
apology
app
apps
april fools day
architecture
artificial intelligence
awkward family photos
bad memories
badger fisting
Barnaby Bradford
bars
Bea Arthur
beer bottle
temple
beta blockers
bigfoot
bisexual
BK Mocha Joe
blossom goodchild
bogan
bored
breasts
buddhism
burger king
butt
chain letters
change
chat
children
chimp man
Clones
cocaine
comedy
computers
conner
conner home
courtney love
cover bands
crack
Credence Clearwater Revival
cute
cute pig
dan conner
Daniela Sea
dating
David Hanson
deborah campbell
dolls
dolphins
donuts
drag queen
dream
dream cycle
dreams
drinkin
drinking
drugs
Dunkin Donuts
eco friendly
Edgar Mueller
edina einstein elementary school
end of the world
Estelle Parsons
evolution
ex-boyfriend
facebook
FAIL
favorites
fisting badgers
floor plan
fmylife.com
friends
fun
future
future technology
gadgets
galactic federation of light
ganja
gay
gay chat
gay men
gay.com
Glenn Quinn
Guy Ritchie
heath campbell
Heidi Gill
heroin
High Wheel Bicycle
hillbillies
hillfolk
hip hop
hissy fit
hollywood
hospitals
humanzee
hummel
humor
hybrid animals
hypochndria
inspiration
internet
internet distribution
internet scams
INXS
iphone
iphone app
ipod touch
ipoint
Jack in the Box
JD Fortune
Jennifer Saunders
John Goodman
Johnny Galecki
jokes
Jude Law
Justin Thyme
Kathryn Hahn
kingsford the pig
Kristen Johnston
Laurie Metcalf
lesbian
Linda Grey
links
little pig
love
male issues
male menstrual cycle
male monthy
male period
man period
MANCHICKENS
marijuana
marine biology
mark adamo
mccafe
mcdonalds
media diversion
medication
men
method acting
Michael Fishman
monks
movies
museums
mydonut
myspace
nazi
neo-nazi
new spa treatments
new star trek
new star trek trailer
Nine Inch Nails
noodling
NORML
north korea nuclear weapons
obama
ohio woman tasered
online
opinion
palin
palin turkey incident
pasty
peanut butter
pee monkey
pig
pills
piracy
pirates
pirates: sea battle 2 app
pirating
plato
poetry
police
politics
pot
prose
PSP
background
PSP wallpaper
queen
queer
rap
rednecks
relationships
Richard Kovach
Robert Downey Jr
robots
Roland T
ron paul
Roseanne
roseanne conner
roseanne floor plan
roseanne set
Rush Limbaugh
Sarah Chalke
sarah palin
sarcasm
satire
schadenfreud
science
scott siegel
Sherlock Holmes
sidewalk art
social
social network
social networks
somalia
sphincter bleaching
spring
stalin
Star Trek
star trek phaser app
star trek xi
Steampunk
steroids
swine flu
teacher on crack
technology
television
tell that bitch to be cool
the secret
tony robbins
trailer trash
transgender
Trent Reznor
tv architecture
tv shows
videos
weird stuff
white trash
white trash week
woman in airport
Zac Efron
zachary quinto

Wait - Weren't we scared of the horse flu or cow flu or something?

Last week Swine Flu was all the rage. As I wrote earlier in the week, yadda yadda yadda. Schools were released until further notice. Three days ago #N1H1 and #swineflu were the top trending topics on twitter. People were taking this “plague” very seriously… Then suddenly yesterday people were talking about Kobe and #hobonames again… what the hell happened to the virus that was supposed to take out most of North America?

The media has us wrapped around the governments little finger so tightly that we’re distracted by the slightest attempt at scare tactics. Really, they don’t even have to try anymore. All someone has to do is find an outbreak of an illness that just sounds wicked and say “your children are gonna get sick and die!” then immediately everyone is smearing their noses with Neosporin and popping Zicam until they can’t taste or smell and start to hear colors. Have we seriously become so blind that we will allow the media to direct our thought COMPLETLEY? Didn’t anyone ever see/read “True Colors”?

This morning on the news, just a day after my roommate told me he heard about someone dying in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex from it, the reporter said that we could stop freaking out over swine flu for a while. The CDC says that we’re going to wait and see how it takes hold in other countries first…

So riddle me this Batman, what laws were passed over the past couple weeks? What progress/digress was made in foreign affairs? What the HELL did we miss while everyone was worried about catching the flu?

The Taliban is back on the rise. I did a search on “Taliban” in Google News and it came back with plenty of results, mainly stories about it’s growth. Isn’t this something that would take priority over freakin SWINE FLU?

I did another search for “new law” in the past week on Google as well. As it turns out, Maine signed a gay marriage law and New Hampshire isn’t far either. We totally missed that one! The law hasn’t been passed yet and may be subject to statewide voting but it’s a start.

Miss California had some nudie pics turn up. HUGE surprise…

Whatever we missed I am still missing. But I’m sure that was the point. After Bird Flu, Swine Flu, Red Flu, Blue Flu I think I’ve got the Flu Flu – AKA freakin sick of hearing about the flu.

I need a freakin MINI DONKEY SOOOO BAD!!! They're cute, they stay small, and they'll get along perfectly with the Alpacas I'll have on the DUNDERFARM. Being 6'8" I think it would be AWESOME to have a private zoo filled with miniature animals. The area I'll keep them in will look like a miniature farm so I can stomp around and pretend I'm a giant.

Fast fast food... and coffee... and stuff...

I’ve been seeing the ads for the new Iced Mocha thing from McDonalds so this morning on my breakfast excursion I decided to give it a whirl. The old Red Head Ronald and his band of goons have really done a good job lately of stepping it up from it’s old deep fried image and still managing to keep their prices lower than Jack and his corporation and the King and his burgers, but when I dropped $8.45 for breakfast this morning I started to second guess that…

I’ve tried the new drinks that have popped up at nearly every fast food joint since the whole “lets keep up with Starbucks” coffee crazy started. Burger King’s “BK Mocha Joe” is good but really just tastes like unfrozen milkshake mix. When I worked at Starbucks we would make the frappucinos by adding a mix to ice with milk and blending, the BK Mocha Joe reminds me that minus the blending.

Jack in the box is better with smoothies, even though watching them make it is enough to make your stomach turn early in the morning. Basically, from what I’ve gathered, all they really consist of is juice and ice cream. Isn’t having ice cream for breakfast not allowed? Doing that to a smoothie is just mean, it’s like putting beef in a vegan omelet.

McDonalds is the first non-coffee oriented establishment I’ve found that actually has decent coffee. I watched the man make it from my car through the drive through window and I was surprised to see he was actually DOING SOMETHING to make it. There was preparation involved. It looked like he was using an actual espresso machine, or at least a close cousin to it. And to top it off – it actually tastes good!

Sure, it probably wasn’t worth the $3 or whatever I paid for it, but it was worth paying to keep from having to drive all the way to Starbucks too, and really it does the trick. Now if only they’d start making Iced Grande Breve Carmel Macchiatos…

AWKWARD FAMILY PHOTOS!!! I found this on Views From A Broad, Esther Goldberg's blog. You gotta check it out, these families are high-larious. awkwardfamilyphotos.com

DUNDERAPP "Pirates: Sea Battle 2" by Skywardsgames

I AM ADDICTED TO THIS GAME. Completely and thoroughly. Its relatively simple game play makes it hard not to say "ok just one more game". First off it's PIRATES so of course I'm going to love it, but the Star Trek Phaser game sucked so I've learned not to take good themes for granted. This is one that really holds up.

Like most games I started out with the "lite" version then went ahead and bought the full version. The full campaign basically consists of your ship battling other others by steering it around with a little ship wheel and firing on enemy ships, or positioning yours next to theirs and taking it over. The only thing that would make it better would be some kind of online play.

What the EFF is swine flu anyway?

Everyone is going INSANE over swine flu. What the eff is the big deal? I tried to look it up on Wikipedia but those articles read like a third grader wrote them. I could really give a snit what it is, where it came from, or who has it – I’m just TIRED of hearing about it.

Sure, it’s a strange new strain of flu, but this isn’t the first time there has been a strange new flu. Every flu season the virus mutates into something new and different so really there’s no telling when it will mutate into a new more fatal disease. My first question is what is REALLY happening in the world that needs our attention diverted? What’s going on in the world while the trusty handy dandy media is talking about pig bugs?

Today, just before summer break, all the children in the area are locked up tightly in their homes instead of finishing out their school year. I always loved the last month or so of school, the last week was my absolute favorite. I actually had a dream last night about the last day of school, it was so great that I woke up then went back to sleep and was lucky enough to make it right back in the dream where I had left off.

So are they going to do this EVERY time the flu mutates? We’ll have fall break, winter break, spring break, FLU break, then summer break? When I was a kid they talked about switching everyone to year round school, now I wonder when they actually go to school. I swear, if I go to the wal-mart and see people wearing face masks I will laugh and point.

West Nile was supposed to kill off half of North America. I got an “unidentified virus” (as the hospital diagnosed it) right when that scare happened just before they had tests readily available. It felt like some weird sickness you’d get in the West Nile too, it wasn’t like the ordinary flu. My mom made me go to the hospital (me and doctors don’t get along) and they sent me home hydrated, tested, x-rayed, and BROKE with a $1000 hospital bill.

I read online that Zachary Quinto, Spock in the new Star Trek movie has a routine to avoid swine flu when he goes into public of putting antibacterial ointment in his nose (even though swine flu is a virus…), drinking a ton of water, and popping zicam (basically the modernized version of those nasty zinc tablets your grandparents used to have) like it’s candy. Gotta love the brightest bulb in the box.

I ain’t afraid of no pig bugs. My solution to the flu is to be safe and clean but don’t be afraid of getting it. Take the clue when you start feeling crappy, don’t deny getting sick. Know your body well enough to get caught up with your work ahead of time and plan your sick days to where they can coordinate with your schedule. When you get it and feel like you shouldn’t get out of bed, DON’T! Stay in bed, don’t try to tough it out. Rest and let your body fight it off. If you can just let your body focus on doing it’s job instead of trying to tough through it and do things like go to work where you can spread your nasties to everyone else, you can reduce sick time from two weeks to a few days.