Seriously, FROM *GAY* HELL.

I hate gay.com news… it’s always some pretentious queen trying to act like he knows what he’s talking about… eh-hem… *blush*… anyway, this story struck me – apparently there’s some guy-on-guy action coming up in Guy Ritchie’s new Sherlock Holmes movie.

Robert Downey Jr will portray Holmes and that guy that used to be in movies, what’s his name? He was pretty good – oh yeah, JUDE LAW – to play Watson. Personally I don’t see Law as much of Watson, but I don’t see Eddie Murphy as the Riddler in the next Batman movie. I PRAY this is only a rumor, but then again who saw Heath Ledger as The Joker?

So the reason this popped up on gay.com is according to Robert Downey Jr Holmes and Watson are “two men who happen to be roommates, wrestle a lot and share a bed. It’s badass.” So basically “From Hell” with buttsecks, full of creepy 19th century hookers, absinthe, and opium dens – and apparently 19th century homosexuals. My BFFSarah has an odd fascination and fear with all things 19th century: Spindly moustaches, the High Wheel Bicycle, the High Wheel TRICYCLE, back street abortions, bathtub gin, anything that happened between 1801-1899.

One year she had an 1800’s theme birthday party where she dressed as a flapper girl. I always wondered why they called them flappers; it makes me think of Sarah Silverman’s “floppy vagina” episode… anyway, I came as a backstreet abortion doctor. It was totally easy and tasteless, all I did was slick my hair back, wear a pin-line moustache, wear a trench coat, and carry a straightened clothes hanger with red fingernail polish on the end. It was horrible and tasteless – in other words a major hit.

Check out the story on gay.com news here.

A Night of Twisted Brain Cinema...

I slept like a log last night, but apparently my biological clock was ticking out of control. I had some strange, twisted dreams that were far too real… They say that through a night you have 7 dreams but you only remember a couple. Last night I remembered two. And they SUCKED.

In the first dream I was about to be a father. I was hanging out with “the daddy club” aka my friends that have kids, Shawn and Zac. We were all really excited because I was about to join “the Daddy Club”, and my surrogate had a little girl and in the process of her dream I watched her grow up. She was a really cute little girl with blonde hair and looked like a cuter, more feminine me.

The next dream I was sitting at the Peanut Butter Café with my high school Government and Sociology teacher Susan Landon, one of my exes, and the guy my ex was dating in the dream. As Susan sat down with a bottle of wine, de-corking it, she started a conversation about how weird it is when people invite their exes to their weddings. I agreed but then my ex’s dream boyfriend said “oh well I hope that’s different this time because we want you to come to our wedding!” and I was like “and you can suck a glock” but not really, in the dream I laughed at them like you do at an old couple who tells you they’re going skydiving. It’s like “great, have fun, but you’re 90 and your bones are made of dust.”

a social network for myspace and facebook to give swirlies to.

I have been on MySpace for about 4 years now, to this day on MySpace I have 523 blog posts and 16,105 visitors and I haven’t even really touched that thing in a while. Anyway, the point is, although MySpace is fun it’s more or less geared for the mindless and bored. A European country however has developed their own social network organized through a network of famous museums. So it’s like a social network for the intelligent!

On this upcoming website you can talk to your smart friends, start smart-sounding groups about Matisse or Queen Victoria instead of the “UFO Alliance”, “Planet X”, “Spiritual Gathering”, “Bitch + The Exciting Conclusion Fan Club”, and “The Exoterran Rights Movement” groups that I joined up with on MySpace. Doesn't this just sound like a website that other social networks would push down to steal it's lunch money?

Things like this are always a lot of fun, believe me I’ve hit up a lot of different social networks and really it always comes back to two, the ‘Space and the ‘Face (MySpace and facebook for those of you who are network declined). Who knows, maybe someday another will pop up will the same drawing power as the ‘Space and the ‘Face but until then those two remain the King and Queen of the internet in my heart.

Check it out here.

Now THAT's getting into your part!

Talk about method acting… Scott Siegel, an actor who played a steroid dealer on the show “The Wrestler” was busted… for selling steroids! Maybe he was doing research for a role, if that’s the case I shudder to think what Anthony Hopkins had to do for research on role HE played!

Siegel led police on some huge bollucky chase where he tried to slam into police cars and hit pedestrians, he probably tried to hit old grandmothers pushing babies in carriages or something as well.

I’ve known some INSANE actors in my time that get way too into their roles. One woman I knew would stress herself out so much to play her part she would hyperventilate between scenes and go a bit nuts, as if the scene had never ended.

Another man I knew, not an actor per say but more like a “life performer”. I had the honor of meeting composer Mark Adamo after a performance of Lysistrata at the Seagle Music Colony in upstate New York. The man was AMAZING, he would flail about as he spoke, contorting his body into positions most yoga gurus would have trouble with. He wore bright button up shirts with bright white pants, and never shared a dull moment. The guy was wildly amazing.

Anyway, as he was leaving he walked by the group I was standing with, fluttered about and bid us all farewell, then got in his car and drove away. I was really disappointed that he didn’t sprout wings and fly away.

Read the whole story about Scott Siegel here…

This Oliver couldn't say "please sir could you stop exploiting me?"

This is something I’ve been fascinated with for a while. Oliver was a “humanzee”, believed to be a human/chimp hybrid. I’ve seen a few documentaries on Stalin’s weird ape/human hybrid, so I wonder if this little guy was part of his weird experiments or if he’s – GASP – a sasquatch???

I love sasquatch.

The Crack in the Middle of Ireland

Over the past few years I’ve been seeing 3-D street paintings all over the internet, but the Crevasse by far takes the cake. I’m sure you’ve seen them, from one angle they’re eye-popping optical images that you would swear were not flush with the sidewalk, but from any other angle they look like strangely distorted stretched pictures.

German artist Edgar Mueller’s latest creation is of a giant crag splitting the earth and revealing a frozen glacial canyon. Tourists love taking pictures from the correct angle depicting themselves nearly falling in, hovering in the middle like a super hero, and any other trite fun you can have with a giant 3-D image of a split in the earth.

Mueller’s other works include a city street which, from the proper angle, appears to have fallen in, molten magma dripping from the cracks into a flowing blue river. This has to be the most stunning sidewalk art that I’ve ever seen.

A while back I got to see the art of sculptor Ron Mueck at the Fort Worth Modern. The work he created was so lifelike the only way to tell what was real was the extreme size differences from normalcy. One of the cornerstone pieces of the exhibit was a gigantic lifelike replica of a newborn baby. Like fresh out the oven baby with goo all over it still. THAT was absolutely amazing after I realized what was up, the first time I saw the thing I was upstairs and looked over a balcony down and before me was a giant bloody baby. I thought I had finally gone crazy, or some weird Emily Rose stuff was happening to me.

Check out the full story on Edgar Mueller and a video of how he painted “The Crevasse”.

Starting at 12:10, ending at 12:15

So if you are bored right now, here are five fun things I found in five minutes of speedy stumbling. It was hard not to spend time on each site but I was on a mission, so here you go. I suggest the inter-face or the 5th one down first. Those are endless fun.

Beard-second - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Physics Flash Animations

inter-Face: Dominique

The Worlds of David Darling

http://svt.se/hogafflahage/hogafflaHage_site/Kor/hestekor.swf

Ive learned ....

For those who want to know: Reliable information on health, energy, media...

The Fuzz Always Tryin to Get a Crackah.

Remember a bit back when that woman Heidi Gill was handcuffed and tasered by police? Well, the decided to drop the charges of her lying to police… because the officer, Richard Kovach was facing federal charges himself.

I grew up with a cop, and around a lot of them. It’s no secret that amongst the good there are power hungry little boys playing cops and robbers. I had an incident a few years back with a dirty cop, to this day it’s the only time I’ve had a loaded weapon drawn on me.

An ex of mine and I were at the park and heard some bustle by the car so we decided to leave, and as we did there was a big group of guys standing around in the parking lot. As we awkwardly got in the car and they all split up I noticed a kid sitting on the ground battered and bruised.

I called the police, then saw an officer approaching so hung up with 911 and talked to the cop directly. She told me to go ahead and leave, which I did, but the same sow pulled me over 5 minutes later, came to my window with her gun drawn, and accused me of being the ring leader of the fight club that we had apparently just walked up on.

Once the stupid (insert word I don’t use here) realized I didn’t have anything to do with it, she pulled the sappy bullshit “I’m just a woman out here by my self bluh bluh bluh”. I took charge, got her badge number, and immediately called the Arlington police department and filed a report on her. She ended up getting suspended and having to take anger management and sensitivity classes.

Douchebag.

Check out Heidi Gill’s story here.

Adolf the Dog

Scroll back a bit to my blog about little Adolf Hitler’s birthday cake. The poor kid, and his two siblings with nazi related names, have a dog just waiting for them at a dog pound in germany, little Adolf the Dog.

Adolf, the dog of a old Nazi nut who goes by “Roland T”, a car salesman in Berlin, has been placed with animal control after his owner was jailed for TEACHING HIS DOG A NAZI SALUTE!

That’s right! Just like in the picture, the cute little german shepherd mix will raise his paw all the way up to give a proper “Howl Hitler”. Apparently the police had gone easy on his previous nazi-related behavior because of a brain injury but when Roland T bragged to the police about how he taught his dog to throw a Heil Hitler, which is illegal in Germany, they took his ass straight to jail.

Germany takes this “we ain’t nazi’s no more” business pretty seriously! Now that the crazy bastard is jailed and the dog is in custody, the workers with the animal shelter have been trying to train little Adolf the Dog to stop raising his little paw so high.

I think little Adolf Hitler Campbell’s parents need to make a trip to Germany and adopt a dog. I mean really, how much more white trash would that be?

The most fun I've had with my broweser in a while...

Stumble stumble stumble, blog blog blog, why is Justin Thyme freakin online all the time?

If you didn’t catch on that was set to that MIA song where she says “hustle hustle hustle, grind grind grind, why’s everybody gotta hustle all the time”.

Whatever, it was funny to me. The only purpose of this blog was to show something really fun that I found on StumbleUpon today. Check out this link, and don’t get freaked out when your browser window changes sizes. It’s really just too much fun.

FUN LITTLE BROWSER SKIT

Ron Paul say "Let Them Smoke Trees"!

I have a bit of renewed faith in the direction of the republican party now, Ron Paul, one of the typical old rich white men that run this country, has PUBLICALLY declared that the war on drugs needed to end. When FDR came into office he abolished prohibition because people liked liquor. Now, undeniably, American’s love the hell out of pot. No carbs, NO chance of overdose kills SIGNIFICANTLY less brain cells than alcohol (which is like pouring acid straight onto your brain) and you can’t puke it all over yourself then try and give your friend a hug while saying “I love you man!”

I totally agree with Ron Paul. First of all I think alcohol SHOULD be illegal because the shit is DANGEROUS. Why isn’t it illegal? Well first off a good majority of Americans are alcoholics, many of them being the people that run our country. Like George W Bush. It was completely obvious to anyone who’s known an alcoholic in their lives that Dub-Yah was drankin for at least the last year of his presidency. I’m sorry but sober people don’t have noses THAT red; and intelligent sober people can READ A FREAKIN TELEPROMPTER.

I had my own little bout with the drug war. I was pulled over one time in Colleyville, TX. The officer swore my car smelled like the ganja which I knew for a fact there was no way it could have, you have to smoke it or at least have it in the car for it to smell. So he called another officer, he agreed, so my right to privacy was completely thrown out the window with the two words “probable cause”. Since it’s like there was a bomb in there and everything, I was a completely dangerous individual.

I told the guy that there was a bottle of patchouli in the console which is probably what he smelled. He found the bottle, then as he dug around between the driver’s seat and the console he retrieved – GASP – a cigarette style one hitter pot pipe which I didn’t even know was there. I shared the car at the time so it could’ve fallen out of a pocket or any number of accidental scenarios for that matter. But none the less, he found it.

AND TOOK ME TO JAIL FOR IT.

When he arrested me he said, “you’re going to jail for possession of drug paraphernalia, son.” Like he found a freakin crack pipe or something. I was so pissed. I knew it was going to be thousands of dollars or something to get me out, so when I heard $350 I was at least somewhat relieved. Now, if you google my full name either the first or second thing that pops up is some douchbag bitch named Linda Baker blog which is basically the City of Colleyville’s police blotter. I think the woman should have (insert the C-Word, since I know that word bothers a lot of you girls) Tattooed across her forehead. I hope this page comes up when she does a search on her own name just so she can see how much of a C#NT I think she is. Damnit, I said that word anyway.

Ron Paul is totally right, we need another FDR to come along and say, in a Joan of Arc manner, “Let them smoke pot!” and start …dealing… down the national debt.

Read the full article here.

GOTTA Love Creative Nerds.

I have never owned a brand new computer. Every PC I’ve had has been handed down to me, then modified, then upgraded, until it becomes a Frankenputer. The guys at Steampunk have created desktop computer case mod which looks like something out of an old silent sci-fi movie.

I used to collect computer parts, like memory, video cards, monitors, my old closet looked like I got a PC drunk and it threw up everywhere. A year ago I got rid of the lot of it, now it’s just me and the laptop. An ex of mine called me out of nowhere the other day to ask what I had done with a ziplock baggy full of sticks of memory we had at one point because he was convinced the computer he had taken with him had less on it than before. Asking this is like asking an accountant what he did with that abacus he used to have, considering the bag was full of 10mb sticks…

At most computer geek Mecca’s like Quake Con you see all KINDS of case mods, like full PC hardware setup in a cardboard box, and they’re playing Call of Duty on it or something. I don’t know all the PC games anymore, my laptop barely plays solitaire. But it blogs!

I would rock the hell out of this Frankenputer though, I think it needs to be in my mansion when I buy it. Check out all the pics on Flikr.

More Creepiness from the Robotics World

As if the Japanese Mini-Me dolls weren’t creepy enough, David Hanson of Dallas TX has created a robot Einstein bust that is, in essence, more human than human. It reads human emotions, responds with it’s own, and is soon planned to be able to decipher a genuine smile.

He’s created the robot to be pseudo-empathic, reading people’s facial expressions and reacting accordingly with his own. He’s managed to recreate 42 facial muscles with motors that make many of them more versatile than actual human muscle.

Now backtrack a bit to the Mini-Me doll… it can mimic your voice and perform basic intelligent functions… combine that with the intelligence of Hanson’s Einstein head, then the ultra-intelligent robots that Honda are building which can dance and such…don’t you see the next step as being a ME REPLICA? They already have life-like latex anatomically correct love dolls which look completely real, with the combination of the previously mentioned technologies, we’re only a few decades, if that, from having fully functional and intelligent life-like robots, just like in Artificial Intelligence.

We’re on our way, and I’m caught somewhere between excited and morbidly afraid. I’ve seen the Animatrix too many times to be comfortable with this idea.

Check out the article here.

Dear god I miss this woman.

When I was young, there was a huge stink in my tiny town of Roswell, NM over the book “Daddy’s Roommate”, which told the story of a child whose parents were divorced and the father now lived with his gay lover “roommate”.

From what my southern Baptist mother said about the book my little head was filled with pictures of the devil sodomizing a child’s father as he watched, cities crumbling under the strong arm of the homosexual, and general debauchery and non-biblical behavior. I was “into” the Bible at that time.

Then, as I got older and figured out “Holy shit, I’m gay! Everything makes SO much more sense now!” I went to the library and read the book, and found it to be a really touching story which I could see giving a lot of comfort and understanding to the growing number of kids that find themselves in that situation.

Sarah Palin, however, does not share my opinion. She made insinuations about banning books during her mayoral campaign but the McCain party claims no books were ever banned. Her former campaign manager Laura Chase suggested that she read the book, that it was “a sensitve book about showing love for additional family members”.

Douchebag Palin CRINGED.

Considering she’s a “turn homo into hetero” nut, I can imagine this wouldn’t be her favorite book. But CRINGING at the idea of opening her horizons to MODERN situations by reading a book about unconventional families?

All I gotta say is…

FUCK THAT BITCH.

Read more here.

BTW I stole the Sarah Palin GIF up there from this site. http://kingsgatenews.com/blog/2008/08/29/sarah-palin-is-no-hillary-clinton/ if they see this and want me to take it down I will but it seemed fitting and made me piddle.

CREEPY ASIAN DOLL!

DEAR GOD when I saw this it creeped me out probably more than anything else I’ve found online. I may actually have nightmares from this toy, f’real y’all.

In Japan they’ve developed a robot that will look JUST like you. Well, a weird muppet version of you at least. It’s like a possessed my buddy that looks like you, like Chucky mixed with that guy from that one x-files episode that could eat people and take on their appearance. “My Buddy” always freaked me out anyways, my oldest Nephew had one when he was a kid and that thing messed with me, bad.

It’s got a web cam, microphone, and speaker built in so it will learn your voice and read you the news and weather using it. And not just that, I can see some major fetish value here. How many net pervert pigs out there would TOTALLY get off on a doll of themselves watching them diddle and broadcast to all their little net pig friends? Juts like the vibrating Harry Potter witch’s broom that moms were stealing from their kids, everything will eventually get used for some strange, wholly unconventional and impure purpose.

I see FAIL written all over this. I can totally see the You-bot evolving to some kind of intelligence and becoming jealous of its owner and taking them out with a kitchen knife in the middle of the night. Those things can go to hell and die for all I care.

Another Classic Band Revamp FAIL.

Yet another classic band revamp FAIL. JD Fortune, the guy that won the stupid little contest to find the next lead singer for INXS is now homeless after the band inevitably failed. Check it out here.

Credence Clearwater Revival tried to do that. It was one of the first concerts that I went to. They played after a New Mexico State University game, and after my hag Amber and I rushed the field to bring down the goal post and nearly got trampled, CCR-R played. That’s Credence Clearwater Revival – Revisted for those of you who didn’t pick up on that.

Anyway, we crowd surfed, we moshed, we smoked a joint with some college kid whose mommy and daddy most likely unwittingly purchased. It was a great time, but all the same it was like going to a Pink Floyd light show when the band isn’t actually playing. It’s like going to see the King Tut exhibit to see the mummy but all you get is the crap they kept his organs in.

The only band that did it right was Sublime. After we lost Bradley, Aaron and Bud formed Long Beach Dub All-Stars, which was basically Sublime without Bradley but they didn’t claim to be Sublime, they were a totally new incarnation.

Remember that computer interface Tom Cruise used in Minority Report???

Remember the user interface that Tom Cruise used in Minority Report? Well with iPoint 3D you can do just that. Using a keyboard-like device which can be mounted on the ceiling or built into your coffee table and two firewire cameras to pick up hand and finger gestures make it the ultimate wireless mouse.

Remember how we could only dream of things like this. We were stuck with things like keyboards and mice and other things that require hands. If I could only take a snapshot of all the things I have currently and send it back to myself 20 years…

Like my PSP – a hand-held device like a game boy that you can watch full length movies on, listen to music, and – gasp – access the internet. Yes, I know iPod touch is cooler but lets stick to the point here.

And iTunes, this would have been my prayer. I was one of those kids that bought singles on tape before you could really but them on CD’s. I always thought music ala carte would be absolutely awesome. I used to buy the full CD for one stinkin song, then I’d get tired of it and by that time the CD was too scratched to sell. Now all the music stores are shutting down, people are losing jobs, but oh well, I can get “I hate this part” without buying the entire Pussycat Dolls CD.

Yes I just admitted to buying that song.

Bite me.

Check out the article here : iPoint 3D

And I Thought MY Teachers Were On Crack...

I know that we all called some of our teachers crackheads, but this guy really takes the cake. William Horseman, a teacher somewhere ‘over the pond’ fessed up to smoking crack for several months. He said his reasons were problems at home, stress, yadda yadda yadda… but the kicker is, they let him keep his job!

While hooked on crack he fell asleep during lessons, field trips, amongst other behaviors unbecoming of someone molding the leaders, or crackheads, of tomorrow. But of course, he said he was sorry and learned his lesson, so the powers that be said “Ok, we’ll give you a mulligan. Don’t screw it up this time!” Of course he’s under review, and his employers have to give regular evaluations of his performance, but still if you’re dumb enough to smoke crack and fall asleep while teaching a class you deserve to be cleaning grease traps at Mooby Burger.

I’m all about second chances. I’m all about recovery. But when it comes to kids there should be a no tolerance policy, right? I know a police officer that was busted for having cocaine in his desk and it ruined his life. Sure he was protecting the public, keeping our streets safe and what not but what about teachers? Shouldn’t we expect to have ANYTHING less than a crackhead teaching out kids?

Check out the full article here: Crackhead Teacher

Tell That Biatch to BE COOL

THIS BITCH WENT CRAZY.

Personally I have never missed a plane. I’ve come very close before, on a southwest flight one time I ran through the velvet rope just as they were closing it. Another time I was drunk as piss eating my Pizza at the wrong gate. But both times I made it.

Now I understand there is a lot of fun stuff to do and buy in airports, many of them are like malls now so it’s easy to get caught up shopping, but how the HELL are you going to get so distracted shopping that you miss your plane? Go to the freakin MALL when you get home and save a few bucks for Jebus sake.

This woman did, and then threw a complete fit about it. Instead of just going to the ticket counter and seeing what arrangements can be made to accommodate her absolute retardedness, she beat on the counters, rolled on the floor, and from the looks of it at one point went behind the counter and tried handling up on things herself.

To top if off she’s Chinese so you can’t understand a syllable of the inane babble that you probably wouldn’t be able to understand anyway, except for her screaming “This is inhumane!”. The kicker was it took her husband plus airport staff to tell her that the next plane would be leaving in a couple hours.

Just watch, you’ll laugh.

Drunk Monks Recycle

A group of monks in northeast Thailand don’t just like to drink – they like to get creative when they drink. Wat Pa Maha Chedi Kaew AKA The Temple of Many bottles is comprised completely of glass bottles with concrete reinforcement.

Not only is it made out of old beer bottles, the materials used for the first building were collected by the monks themselves – an apparently they like Heineken. After that the authorities began donating bottles which lead to the construction of their 20 building compound.

I can see why this would be one of the new leading tourist attractions in Asia, I want to go party with THESE monks. I’ve been “Jimmy Buffet Drunk” (and cracked my skull in the process) but these hard core peace loving freaks get “lets drink so much we can build a temple out of the bottles!” drunk!

You have to admire their conservation efforts though, even the mosaic of Buddha they have in the temple is created out of recycled beer caps. Call it conservationist, call it what you will, but I call it drunken genius.

I think it’s funny that in Texas we build sculptures of Elvis out of beer cans and in Thailand they build temples out of Heineken bottles. I freakin love Asian culture.

Read the article here: Drunk Monks Recycle